This past month, I had a great metaphor about my practice surface.
I have been working on a rental property for the last two weeks. It had years of tenants, and it had very little downtime between them. While they took fairly good care of it, they also had painted it various colors and there was general upkeep that it needed. The old plaster walls had numerous nail holes. The window trims and floors needed care.
When I first walked in, I looked around and thought, "How will I rent this? Who would want to live here?" I knew I felt overwhelmed. I decided to leave instead of start - to allow myself to process the project.
The next day, I started with the room that needed the least amount of work.
With that I gained confidence, and went to the next room and then the next. After a couple of days of working on it, I walked in and to my surprise I said, "I would want to live here."
And it is like my practice. When I first started, it was like, "ugh, who would want to live here?" My mind was all over the place. It hadn't been tended to for years.
I started in, and with tools and time, it is a much more peaceful and comfortable place to live from. Not that I don't have a couple of more rooms to tend to, but it is 'home'. It is a safe and comfortable place. It didn't change, but rather - it is tended and cared for. Emotions and feelings are acknowledged and held with kindness rather than pushed aside or repressed. It's a place I want to experience life from.